The Founding Fathers, or Why You Don't Need to Follow Politics

This is a public service announcement for all those who worry about the USA. Don’t. It’s all working according to plan; the Founding Fathers gave us the Constitution. My theory is that the guys in funny suits who flew in for the Constitutional Convention knew what they were doing. (Well, they didn’t fly of course, but we can’t just stick to the facts: we’ll never get on talk TV that way.)

There are many learned folk who have droned on about the Constitution, but they seemed to have missed the point. That’s all right—I’m here to explain it; it’s my duty as a citizen. The Founders (a/k/a the Framers when they recorded under another label) knew the biggest problem the new country would face would be: politicians. In other words, they were concerned about protecting the country from the likes of themselves.

They knew most normal folk would fall asleep as soon as politicians started talking. Normal people would be busy raising families, making a living, and working in a little time for important sporting events. Regular people would never dream of running for office, or even in voting in many cases. (I gave up voting many years ago, as I was afraid it would only encourage politicians.)

The Founding Fathers thought the country would work as long as the officeholders could be kept under control. In order to do that they set up a system of checks and balances. (Washington would write the checks and Hamilton would track the balances of the country’s new account which he was careful to make sure included overdraft protection.)

The idea was to keep the political types busy with each other so they would leave the people alone. The Right and the Left would always be at each other’s throats, but it was better them than us the Founders thought.

The great thing about the framers was they intended to save us from themselves. They knew they couldn’t be trusted even though they were wise; they shuddered to think of future generations who might not have their smarts and self-awareness.

So they set in motion the plan to give politicians plenty of opportunities to do each other in. And if at the end of the day nothing much got done so much the better. A Do-Nothing Congress led by a Do-Nothing President was their ideal.

The rest of the country could then occupy themselves with real life: Joining the private sector and keeping the wolf from the door. The private sector at the time of the Convention was mainly Ben Franklin, Inc. (dime stores, insurance companies, and investment firms that offered stocks and bonds that to this day have remained excellent ways to lose money.)

And if the politicians were busy with their own version of reality they wouldn’t be such a drag on the private sector. They would busy going to lunch with lobbyists and raising money for TV commercials. They wouldn’t have much time to meddle with the private lives of citizens. Life would go on happily from generation to generation with time out for the usual wars and depressions.

And things have pretty much worked out as planned. Why then are so many upset with the Government? This is easily explained: people think they need to be well informed, or at least have a notion of what’s going on. Wrong. The news is everywhere, but it must be avoided except for important stuff like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. (What’s wrong with that girl?)

I myself only check headlines—I seldom actually read a story. I particularly don’t waste any time reading about The President whoever that happens to be. The President is only a hired hand—he’ll be out of office soon. And he will be forgotten like his predecessors unless a national holiday is named after him that will provide new shopping opportunities.

So don’t worry—tend to your own affairs, or as one Founder (the bass player) said: “Mind your own beeswax”. (Alexander Hamilton, Federalist Paper No. 69, line 213).

Next week I plan to explain the stock market so you won’t have to worry about that either.